Beauty is in the Eyes of the Cosmetic Industry
If you are a man, you know that day is coming, but there is no way to prepare. You can practice in the mirror, or you can read books and blogs, but you know you’re going to freeze up when the time finally comes.
Your wife or girlfriend will look at you trustingly, and ask that question you have been dreading to hear: “Hey, honey, how do I look?”
Watch your footing here. You’re on dangerous ground and your footing is shaky. You can’t run; you can’t fake your own death; so you are going to have to come up with an answer, a sincere, sensitive answer, and no matter what you say, it will not be right. So you should plan a strategy to burst into flames or collapse with a flesh eating disease. Then maybe . . . just maybe . .. she’ll forget the words that have just blundered from your lips.
Men, apparently, judge themselves by a totally different standard than women, an undefinable, virtually non existent standard, that gives them the confidence to face each day. They decided at some point between middle school and high school how they would look at themselves. No matter how they developed, how they changed with age, how their back side may have spread, or how their forehead may have grown to meet the crown of their head, that self image has stuck for the rest of their years.
Self esteem is generally the underlying issue for most women. The problem lies in the signals being sent to her from all directions. From her first beautiful Barbie doll as a child, your partner has been learning that she isn’t good enough. She can’t live up to the standard set by that beautiful, unrealistic doll, or any of her thin buxom friends. Later in life, she is barraged by air brushed super models, movies and television shows full of beautifully coiffed size 4’s with perfect skin, and a multimillion cosmetic industry that has her convinced that somewhere there are products that will eradicate every last blemish, at whatever cost necessary.
On the other hand, men look in the mirror and see something “acceptable.” And that is enough for them. “Acceptable” gets them through the day just fine; they know they do not compare to Ryan Reynolds or George Clooney, and that is just fine. They might, however, spend time admiring Clooney’s car or his perfectly green lawn. Something you will never see is a group of men getting together to compare beauty secrets, try new night creams, or give each other pedicures. Another thing you won’t see is Reynolds or Clooney guesting on “The View” to discuss the products they use to look so young.
On the other hand, celebrities from Victoria Principal to Cher to Britney Spears have drawn enormous audiences, as women hang on their every word about cosmetics, fashion, weight loss, and beauty. Women watch these beautiful women and look at themselves and stew over everything they don’t like, everything that doesn’t hold up to the standard they use as a point of comparison. They, of course, believe that men will hold them to the same standards to which they hold themselves.
Of course, you may argue that it is all because of men that women suffer over their appearance and worry about their weight, hair, shape, and skin. It is men who sit up and pay attention when the Victoria’s Secret commercials come on, or when Kathy Turlington hits the runway in the latest spring fashions. Certainly, they would be right, but ladies, the men don’t even think to look for the same characteristics in the women around them that they see in the women on the runways or the silver screen. Besides this, ladies, you should consider these important points:
1) Yes, men are shallow and lustful, but they count on you to be smart and thoughtful to counter this .
2) You’re working too hard. Men don’t care about a lot of the beauty measures you are taking. Manicures and pedicures are for you and you alone. Men aren’t going to stop in their tracks and say, “Wow! Did you see that lady’s finger nails? I just met my soul mate!”
3) Of course men are going to notice a set of perfect breasts, a nice back side, or long, beautifully shaped legs, but that doesn’t mean that he is looking for that in you or anywhere around him.
So let’s return to the subject at hand. The woman in your life has turned to you and asked you how she looks. You don’t stand a chance because you don’t look at this topic like she does. Thanks to the multimillion dollar entertainment industry, on top of the fashion industry and the cosmetic industry, there is no easy answer to this question. If you tell her she is unattractive, you will hurt her feelings and make her angry; if you tell her she’s beautiful, she will think you are lying. Thus the advice to fake your own death, have yourself kidnapped and ransomed, or suddenly be struck dumb, because you don’t have the knowledge or the experience to field this question.
The saving grace will probably be that she doesn’t trust your opinion anyway. You find your spreading back side “acceptable,” so what do you know about it anyway?
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It is very rare when women do their hair, nails, etc. including plastic surgery for men. Normally we do all these things for ourselves or other women. And we do appreciate when men tell us we look great and young. We don’t think you are (guys) lying to us. Just give us more compliments and don’t tell that we don’t need Botox or facelift because we look great:)
That’s an interesting way to look at it! I guess I just never thought of it like that and the fact that women do hold themselves to such standards needs to be addressed.